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Say I'm Yours-Sneak Peek!

Writer's picture: beccabaldwinwritesbeccabaldwinwrites

Hello everyone!


I'm sorry that it's been a minute since my last blog post, but here we are, back again. Not much has been going other than writing, rewriting, editing, sending my work off to be edited and proofread, and then rinse and repeat. With that said, I wanted to touch base and let you know that everything is working according to their new schedules. I also wanted to give you a little taste of the next little tidbit I have on the horizon.


If you have read Say You're Mine, then you already know a little bit about Rebecka Collins. Say I'm Yours is her story and one I hold dear to my heart. I poured a lot of what I've experienced throughout my life in her story (Except for moving to Paris—I hope someday!). Writing this was therapy for me in a way and well, I think it's all culminated into a great story. So, without further ado, here is the first chapter. If you like what you read, Say I'm Yours will be available on February 26th and is currently available for pre-order.


NOTE: The material below is copyrighted and therefore cannot be reprinted, sold, shared, or distributed without consent from the author.


Sneak Peek:


“Rebecka?” Katie’s voice was soft, her hand warm on my shoulder. “Becks, it’s time to go, sweetheart.” My best friend's touch, so full of love, felt like an anchor. But that was Katie. Brimming with love and always there, no matter what. Even after suffering tragic loss, she never failed to show up for those in need. The woman was my constant. My lighthouse in the storm. Her love overflowed with warmth, meant to comfort me in my time of need but inside, I was still frozen, shattered into pieces too broken to fit together again.


You see, that’s what happens when the man you love dies. The father of your child. The man you planned to spend your life with. The man who put the pieces of your broken heart back together again after you swore you’d never love ever, ever again. And that’s what happened. My husband, a bright, brilliant, hilarious, healthy, and active twenty-nine year old man, had suffered a brain aneurysm while jogging in Central Park and was gone.

“It’s starting to rain. I think we should get you back to the car.” Katie held her hand out under the pavilion we’d all sat under. Trickles of cold rain ran into her palm, proving her point. 


How long had it been raining? I’d barely noticed. I’d been unable to tear my eyes away from the hole housing Tommy’s coffin. Chilled to the bone, I waged an internal war.  My internal blockage refused to let any emotions through, rendering me down to a marble statue: cold and lifeless. 


Despite that, I wanted to scream, to cry, to shout, and demand the Universe give my husband back to me. Yet, my outer self refused to crack. No tears. No cries. Nothing but stone-faced acceptance. 


“Katie’s right, honey,” Mom soothed softly. Struggling to keep hold of a wiggling, pent-up ball of energy—my two-year-old son, my mother had yet to leave my side. She’d never been more than a few feet away since this whole awful day began. Whatever I needed, she made it happen. That included wrangling an obnoxious toddler who was completely oblivious to what was going on. 


“He and I are going to go ahead. We’ll see you later, okay?” Mom’s voice quivered as she pulled me in and hugged me close. “I love you.” Her soft lips touched my cheek briefly before she and Aidan turned away, headed towards the line of waiting cars. 

“Hey?” Katie nudged my side. “You know I’m here for you, right? It's going to take time, but everything is going to be okay.” 


“I know,” I sniffed even though my eyes remained dry. “Having you here means so much to me. I don’t think I could have made it through this without you.”


“You're my best friend, Becks. I love you. I’m always going to be there for you.”


Struck temporarily mute, I hugged Katie close, silently communicating everything my mouth refused to say. Katie pulled back before looping her arm around mine. Together, we slowly shifted away from the gravesite and made our way towards the waiting limo.

Provided by the funeral home as a courtesy, the limo’s next stop was my mother’s house. Everyone that attended today would soon be there, gathered together to remember Tommy. As for me, the last thing I wanted or needed was our friends and relatives offering their condolences as they chowed down on hors d'oeuvres and guzzled copious amounts of coffee. 


“I’m not really up to dealing with all those people,” I said flatly just before we reached the car.


I wasn’t. I really, really wasn’t. 


Pain squeezed my lungs, leaving me breathless. How could it not, thinking of all those faces staring back at me, forcing smiles while skirting around the fact that my husband was gone? Because he was. Tommy was dead and he wasn’t coming back. 


“I figured as much. That’s why Matthew is taking the kids to your mom’s place.” Katie squeezed my arm and rubbed my shoulder as we reached the long, sleek black car and its kind-eyed driver. “I told him you needed to decompress and that we were heading back to your place.”


 “Did he argue?” Knowing my brother he had. Even though he meant well, his idea of care was a slew of people hovering around me like helicopters. No way was I going to tolerate it today. 


“Of course he did. Eventually.” Katie’s voice hinted with subdued laughter. 


“This is why you’re my best friend,” I said, breaking my oath and letting a smidgeon of gratitude slip out. “I can always count on you.” 


Katie had been the rock I’d clung to when I felt like I was drowning. Having her here meant the world, even if that world was falling apart. 


“I’ve always got your back. Now, why don’t we go and change into some comfy clothes and drink the last of that awful whiskey Tommy made?” 


Nothing sounded better. “Okay, let’s go.”


***


The ride back to my flat was silent. Just Katie holding my hand every inch of the way. When we pulled up out front, she helped me out and took charge of getting us inside. 


“Miss Rebecka. Miss Katie,” The doorman aka watchman over the building nodded as we entered the lobby and made a beeline for the elevators. 


“Hi Frankie.” Katie waved just as we stopped in front of the elevator bank. 


“Is there anything I can do for you?” Frankie asked thoughtfully, knowing fully what had happened today. He and Tommy had been close. He’d taken Tommy’s loss almost as hard as I had.


“Could you make sure no one disturbs us? Unless it’s my husband or their mother, of course.”


“It will be my honor. Just let me know if there’s anything else you might need.”


“We’ll do that and thank you again, Frankie.”


With that, Frankie resumed his position as sentinel at the gate.


“I always liked him,” Katie said just as the bell dinged and the elevator car doors opened. 

“Tommy did too.” The words were out before I realized I’d said them. “They used to spend hours discussing baseball.” Tears pricked at my eyes for the first time since I forced myself out of bed this morning. Sensing I was skating on thin ice, Katie pulled me close, rubbing soothing circles across my back.


We went quiet again as we made our way up to the tenth floor and down to my door. Once we were inside, Katie fussed about while I went and took the hottest shower I could stand. Hot water sluiced over my skin, burning like lava as I stood under the spray hoping it would numb the pain. It didn’t. By the time I dragged myself back out into the living room, Katie had worked her magic. 


My best friend turned the space between my black velvet couch and IKEA coffee table into a full blown nest of comfort. Dozens of multi-colored pillows and soft, fleece-lined blankets were spread out across the old air mattress left over from when Tommy and I had first gotten together and neither of us could afford a real bed. 


“I ordered from China Kitchen.” Katie’s hands were on her hips as she eyed her work. 


“With extra egg rolls?” I asked because that sounded amazing right now and it might just be the ticket I needed to feel slightly better. 


“Of course. Do I look like I’m new?”


“Definitely not new. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.”


“Likewise, babe.” Katie winked just as the doorbell rang. “Now, go sit down and get comfortable.”


Doing as I was told, I walked over and laid down. Comfort instantly wrapped me in her loving arms as I nestled in, leaning against a thick decorative pillow Aidan often fell asleep on. 


Burying my nose in the rose-colored fabric, his still-baby soft scent filled my nostrils, instantly comforting me with its familiarity. A minute later, it was replaced by the succulent scent of Mongolian beef. Katie sat two paper bags loaded with the best Chinese fare in the entirety of New York City down on the coffee table before taking the seat next to me.

“I ordered enough food to last a couple days,” she said as she opened the first bag and carefully removed each item one by one. “There should be enough beef and Szechuan pork leftover so you won’t have to cook.”


“Thanks.” It was all I could say. Mere words weren't enough to express my gratitude. 

“I also got an order of sesame chicken for Aidan.” Katie pointed to the second bag before unpacking it. “And there are at least twenty egg rolls in here. Mr. Wei said he’d throw in a few more than what I ordered.”  


“Remind me to thank him the next time I’m in there.” China Kitchen was by far the best place in this part of the city and was located at the corner of my block. Tommy and I had known the owner, Zhang Wei, for ages and ate there often. 


“Thank you again,” I said as I opened up the Mongolian beef and dished myself out a huge helping. After barely eating for the past week, I was suddenly ravenous.


“Anytime. Whatever you need, I’ve got you.”


We spent the rest of the evening together, eating and binge-watching the latest season of Bridgerton. By the time the sun went down and the moon peeked through the curtains, Katie made herself a bed on the couch while I headed off to my room. 


Emptiness hit me like a wrecking ball.


This bed, the one I once shared with him, was no longer my warm, cozy, safe sanctuary. Now it was a foreign land, cold and lifeless. Every part of me screamed to get up, to go and sleep on the couch with Katie, but my will refused. I was going to have to get used to this. Things were different now and I might as well get used to it.


As my head hit my pillow, I silently vowed to find a way to move on. Even if it killed me.


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